My husband claims that he fantasizes about ME and only me whenever he masturbates, which he does on the rare occasion that I am out of town. That seems like a lie to me. Is it even possible that he’s thinking of me? I don’t even care if he is thinking of a movie star or whatever! I guess I’d rather he not think about our hot babysitter, but other than that it’s fine with me if he’s thinking about other women just for masturbation purposes. He’s lying, right?
Well, right off - I’d never call anyone a liar without proof, and what they are thinking while masturbating is definitely something I can’t prove. That said, it’s certainly possible that he does only think about you. You may be exactly what he needs to turn him on every time. Either way, why question it? Why do you seem to WANT him to be lying?
When I first read your question, I had a gut-level reaction to the use of the word ‘lie’. ‘Lie’ and ‘lying’ seemed accusatory. In fact, my reaction was that you seem to be reacting as though he couldn’t possibly be thinking of you and I’m hoping you have better self-esteem than that. I hope I’m reading it wrong.
Getting back on point though… yes, it’s possible that he only thinks about you. I think about my girlfriend the large majority of the time but occasionally my mind switches to some celebrity. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe in some eyes. Not mine. To me, it’s the equivalent of some couple’s role-playing. I don’t think my partner only masturbates thinking of me either.
Frankly, I think you should try to believe him. There’s no reason to think otherwise, is there? As long as he isn’t choosing masturbation over being with you when you are around, I wouldn’t worry about it too much!
More information about the positive effects of masturbation, as this topic is certain to draw the condemning folk out:
Effects of Masturbation
Better Health Channel on masturbation (sponsored by the Vicrotian Gov’t in Australia)
The University of California at Santa Barbara
OK. So maybe my last post was premature, because I certainly never expected the outcry of support I’ve gotten since I wrote it! I’m very thankful to have such a kind and supportive base of readers, even if some of the folks who read this blog take issue. So starting this weekend, ‘Honest Answers From a Guy’ is back! Please submit your questions via the form and I’ll work on them in the order I feel is appropriate, and may combine some if necessary.
I will be posting 1-2 times per week at a minimum, and more as I feel like it. But to avoid the burnout I was hitting before, if I receive similar questions, I’m either going to answer only one of them, or combine them as appropriate. Feel free to send in what questions you want to - they don’t HAVE to be of the relationship/difference between man and woman kind. But they should be something you find interesting and want to hear an honest opinion on. I also refuse the right to reject any question I feel without notice.
Finally, to all of those that i indicated last time as those who made snarky remarks in other places, submitted fake questions to insult me and generally considered this site to be ‘Eeeeeeew’ - I still say FUCK YOU. No one asking you to read it now either. If you’re going to, obviously you have an interest so what does that say about YOU, fucking hypocrites that you are. 
So yep. I’m back! Deal with it….
Yep. It was a short run, but recent events and circumstances are causing me to need to devote time and energy elsewhere and I don’t believe I can give ‘Honest Answers’ the attention it deserves nor the questions I receive the appropriate amount of thought and care they require. As such, I am shutting down this blog as of the end of the week, and will be removing the domain and site at that time.
To all of those who supported me, who wrote questions, who provided comments and who embraced the basic concept of what this site is about, I thank you from the deepest parts of my heart. It was my pleasure to try and share with you the perspective of soemone not afraid to speak what was on his mind.
For those who made snarky remarks in other places, submitted fake questions to insult me and generally considered this site to be ‘Eeeeeeew’ - FUCK YOU. No one asked you to read it.
And with that, I bid you adieu and hope you all have happy and fulfilled lives. I know I’m trying to!
I still have a number of questions to address, but I due to an unexpected health crisis in my family, I haven’t been able to focus on blogging for the last couple of days and will be taking a break through the weekend. Answers will be back on Monday. I apologize for the interruption of ‘almost-daily’ posting.
Keith
I hate my hair. It’s very fine and very thin and when it’s long it’s just limp and gross. So I cut it very short. I like it short. It’s easy to care for. It’s comfortable. The only problem with having it short is that my mom is constantly on my case about my short hair. “You’re never going to meet a guy if you don’t let your hair grow out!”
My opinion is that if a guy takes a look at my hair and decides he doesn’t want to get to know me, I don’t need someone that shallow in my life.
My question is do guys really completely decide not to get to know a woman based on how long her hair is?
My guess is that some do. I know there are people who can’t see past a physical exception to their immediate idea of attractive. I’ve encountered them before. But for myself, I think that hair length isn’t a big deal. yes, my preference is for shoulder-length hair, but my ex-fiance and many girlfriends have had short hair. I didn’t avoid getting to know them because of it. Frankly, I don’t get the mentality of those who would.
BTW - tell your mom to bugger off. I have the advantage of knowing who sent this and I’d certainly date you if I wasn’t taken and you lived closer and wanted to go out. So I know there are other guys who would love to date you as well. Mom doesn’t know everything.
And your opinion seems valid and healthy to me! I agree with it!
Why do guys always leave the toilet seat up?
Laziness? Lack of consideration? An inability to predict who will need to use it for what bodily function next?
Truthfully, I’ve never understood the fuss over this. How often do women put the seat up for men? Consideration works both ways!
Personally, I just always leave it down as I can hit the smaller target and thus avoid the issue altogether, but really: Is the two seconds of extra effort really worth the fuss so many seem to make over this issue?
I’m going for the easy, short answer today as I’m spending the day with my little girls.
MP–why do men like makeup on other women, but not their own…..hmmmmmmmmm….
Well, I have no objections to makeup, per se. I don’t generally care if a woman is wearing it or not. Don’t misunderstand me, there are lots of times that a woman in makeup can look better than when she’s not wearing any. It’s just that it’s not that important to me. So trying to get that across can make it seem like I don’t want the woman I’m with wearing any. That’s not the case. I just don’t feel she HAS to wear any. I think it’d be a pain to have to deal with every day!
If you wanted to look at things negatively, you could go with the theory that he doesn’t want you to look appealing to other men but why bring that paranoia into things? Most men I know would prefer to be able to show off their attractive girlfriends or wives.
The final, and I think best way to look at things, is that you are just beautiful to him without needing cosmetic enhancement. Personally, I’d think that should be the most satisfying to you, but what do I know?
Yes, this really came into my inbox, and since I’m not feeling up to a more serious and lengthy answer today, I’ll post the question:
Why are you so darn adorable?
This is one of those times, I wish I knew who was submitting a question!
I don’t know that I’m adorable. Just honest, and opinionated. So maybe for once, in a very self-effacing manner, I’ll just leave the answer at that, and see what happens. lol
It has become sadly apparent that I must write a quick note / disclaimer regarding this site versus posting a question and answer today. It appears that some folks don’t seem to quite understand that this blog and the answers given within it speak only to MY OWN opinions and thoughts based upon my life and experiences. I make it a point not to make generalizations though occasionally I may make guesses or theories and will note them as such because, frankly, I don’t like being generalized either.
It’s also important to note again, that I am not a licensed therapist, doctor, psychologist or any other medical or mental health professional. I am just an average guy who’s had a fair amount of life experience providing my honest opinions on the questions people send me. You are free to post your own thoughts and opinions as comments on a post, but I ask that you do it without trashing others.
From now on, a disclaimer will be running on the right side of this site. I regret having to use screen space to do it, but I want to remind people of all of this. I apologize to all of those that feel that this post and that disclaimer are ‘talking down’ to them.
Thank you,
Keith
Why do some men think it’s hot when 2 ladies kiss/seem attracted to each other sexually?I don’ get it.
Let me first set the stage by admitting that I AM one of those men you are referring to. As is Howard Stern and seemingly 80-90% of other straight men apparently by the amount of commentary found on it on the Internet. Yet I’ve never found an answer why that is. The majority of these men would also apparently not be turned on by the sight of two men kissing and instead would be repulsed. While not turned on by men kissing, I’m not repulsed by it either. As seemingly always, I don’t quite fit ‘the norm.’
While I could end my answer here and have it be just as complete as all of the others answers I’ve come across, I’m going to attempt to try and explain it for myself. I just don’t promise that it will make any sense. So here goes….
It’s my theory that this has to do with straight men having an unconscious thought that women are more tender and pleasurable to kiss than men are, because that’s how men feel when women kiss them. They also have the unconscious belief that women want in turn to experience the same tenderness and pleasure but that men are ‘rougher’ and therefore don’t provide it. So when straight men watch two women kiss, they expect that the women are getting considerably more pleasure from it than if it was a man and a woman. Add in that men are inherently visual creatures and the added visual throws it past the edge. Extend those same thoughts to other sexual acts and that would explain the attraction of watching lesbian sex for the straight male.
It may also be that men enjoy it because it’s a ‘taboo’ of sorts but one in which they don’t have to participate in and that may also go to why men tend to get repulsed by seeing two men kiss: that a man would kiss them hits closer to home for the ‘taboo’ than for two women and sometimes, something ‘different’ can be a turn on. Frankly, as long as it’s consensual and no one is underage, I believe couples can do as they please. Also, physical attractiveness almost certainly plays a part and seeing two women that the particular man finds attractive kiss is more likely to be ‘hot’ for them than two women they find unattractive, and since most men generally don’t want to think of other men as ‘physically desirable’, the dislike of seeing two men kiss.
In any case, these are not theories I have any proof for. They are just my thoughts based upon what I see, read and my own thoughts and feelings when seeing two women kiss. Have your own theories? Post them here!