Masturbatory Monogamy?
My husband claims that he fantasizes about ME and only me whenever he masturbates, which he does on the rare occasion that I am out of town. That seems like a lie to me. Is it even possible that he’s thinking of me? I don’t even care if he is thinking of a movie star or whatever! I guess I’d rather he not think about our hot babysitter, but other than that it’s fine with me if he’s thinking about other women just for masturbation purposes. He’s lying, right?
Well, right off - I’d never call anyone a liar without proof, and what they are thinking while masturbating is definitely something I can’t prove. That said, it’s certainly possible that he does only think about you. You may be exactly what he needs to turn him on every time. Either way, why question it? Why do you seem to WANT him to be lying?
When I first read your question, I had a gut-level reaction to the use of the word ‘lie’. ‘Lie’ and ‘lying’ seemed accusatory. In fact, my reaction was that you seem to be reacting as though he couldn’t possibly be thinking of you and I’m hoping you have better self-esteem than that. I hope I’m reading it wrong.
Getting back on point though… yes, it’s possible that he only thinks about you. I think about my girlfriend the large majority of the time but occasionally my mind switches to some celebrity. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe in some eyes. Not mine. To me, it’s the equivalent of some couple’s role-playing. I don’t think my partner only masturbates thinking of me either.
Frankly, I think you should try to believe him. There’s no reason to think otherwise, is there? As long as he isn’t choosing masturbation over being with you when you are around, I wouldn’t worry about it too much!
More information about the positive effects of masturbation, as this topic is certain to draw the condemning folk out:
Better Health Channel on masturbation (sponsored by the Vicrotian Gov’t in Australia)
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm
And another thing: why does it matter who or what someone is thinking about when they are wanking off? The things I think about are crazy. Illegal in some states. Impossible. Am I less into my man of the moment because of that? No. That’s just what it takes to get me off solo.
If it even crossed my mind that I should ask my man what he was thinking about when he wanked off, like it’s any of my business, and he said to me “I only think of you”, I would probably be a little worried about him, but I wouldn’t think he was lying. Unless he winked when he said it.
The more appropriate response might be “Um, why do you ask, honey?”
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
What goes on in someone else’s imagination is nobody’s business but their own! If my husband asked me that, I’d tell him it was none of his business and I would NEVER ask him. We’re all entitled to our privacy!
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I have a question myself. How & why did this subject come up?
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
BellaDonna - someone submitted it through the link on the site.
Unless you meant, how did it come up between the poster and her husband, in which case I have no idea.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Keith, You are very wise- great answer!!
September 24th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Keith, so glad “Honest Answers” is back. A nice answer.