Honest Answers From A Guy…

I hate my hair. It’s very fine and very thin and when it’s long it’s just limp and gross. So I cut it very short. I like it short. It’s easy to care for. It’s comfortable. The only problem with having it short is that my mom is constantly on my case about my short hair. “You’re never going to meet a guy if you don’t let your hair grow out!”

My opinion is that if a guy takes a look at my hair and decides he doesn’t want to get to know me, I don’t need someone that shallow in my life.

My question is do guys really completely decide not to get to know a woman based on how long her hair is?

My guess is that some do. I know there are people who can’t see past a physical exception to their immediate idea of attractive. I’ve encountered them before. But for myself, I think that hair length isn’t a big deal. yes, my preference is for shoulder-length hair, but my ex-fiance and many girlfriends have had short hair. I didn’t avoid getting to know them because of it. Frankly, I don’t get the mentality of those who would.

BTW - tell your mom to bugger off. I have the advantage of knowing who sent this and I’d certainly date you if I wasn’t taken and you lived closer and wanted to go out. So I know there are other guys who would love to date you as well. Mom doesn’t know everything.

And your opinion seems valid and healthy to me! I agree with it!

Why do some men think it’s hot when 2 ladies kiss/seem attracted to each other sexually?I don’ get it.

Let me first set the stage by admitting that I AM one of those men you are referring to. As is Howard Stern and seemingly 80-90% of other straight men apparently by the amount of commentary found on it on the Internet. Yet I’ve never found an answer why that is. The majority of these men would also apparently not be turned on by the sight of two men kissing and instead would be repulsed. While not turned on by men kissing, I’m not repulsed by it either. As seemingly always, I don’t quite fit ‘the norm.’

While I could end my answer here and have it be just as complete as all of the others answers I’ve come across, I’m going to attempt to try and explain it for myself. I just don’t promise that it will make any sense. So here goes….

It’s my theory that this has to do with straight men having an unconscious thought that women are more tender and pleasurable to kiss than men are, because that’s how men feel when women kiss them. They also have the unconscious belief that women want in turn to experience the same tenderness and pleasure but that men are ‘rougher’ and therefore don’t provide it. So when straight men watch two women kiss, they expect that the women are getting considerably more pleasure from it than if it was a man and a woman. Add in that men are inherently visual creatures and the added visual throws it past the edge. Extend those same thoughts to other sexual acts and that would explain the attraction of watching lesbian sex for the straight male.

It may also be that men enjoy it because it’s a ‘taboo’ of sorts but one in which they don’t have to participate in and that may also go to why men tend to get repulsed by seeing two men kiss: that a man would kiss them hits closer to home for the ‘taboo’ than for two women and sometimes, something ‘different’ can be a turn on. Frankly, as long as it’s consensual and no one is underage, I believe couples can do as they please. Also, physical attractiveness almost certainly plays a part and seeing two women that the particular man finds attractive kiss is more likely to be ‘hot’ for them than two women they find unattractive, and since most men generally don’t want to think of other men as ‘physically desirable’, the dislike of seeing two men kiss.

In any case, these are not theories I have any proof for. They are just my thoughts based upon what I see, read and my own thoughts and feelings when seeing two women kiss. Have your own theories? Post them here!

How much do men really care about a woman’s body? Stretch marks? A little extra flab? What is the breaking point?

There are as many different answers to this as there are men. The same I believe would be true if it were asked of women about men. With that many different answers to cover… my head would explode. Seeing as I just cleaned this place and brain matter is a definite ‘we’ll keep your deposit’ cleaning issue, I’ll have to pass on that.

So as usual, I’ll speak only to my own thoughts and experiences and that means I’ll have to speak to my own preferences….

*crickets*

Hmmm… I don’t have much in the way of preferences, when I think about it. What few I do have I’ll come back to. Let me instead speak to whom I’ve dated, though I will not name any names for obvious reasons.

I’ve dated a woman with a tattoo, which once upon a time I wouldn’t have thought would ever happen.

I’ve dated women with glasses and those without.

I’ve dated a woman who was missing teeth. I knew why they were missing and could sympathise so it didn’t bother me. (Frankly, I have my own teeth issues as a result of everything I’ve been through, and for neither that woman nor myself was the issue a lack of brushing and care.)

There was the woman who had larger breasts and when she lost weight, they became less firm and gravity did it’s thing with time so she was very self-conscious about them. Before we broke up, she told me that she finally felt sexy about them after being with me. She was sexy, but it really had nothing to do with her chest. it was all in her attitude. I just didn’t have any dislike of what she thought was her worst feature and that helped her to see it the same way.

Another woman I dated was considerably overweight. Actually, a couple of women I’ve dated have been overweight, but that has never mattered to me either. They were still attractive for many reasons.

I’ve dated a woman with a prosthetic leg. There were certain things I enjoy doing that we couldn’t do, but it didn’t really bother me.

There are other examples that come to mind, but none that I can ably describe and by now, I think I’ve made my point about myself: I am attracted to personalities as much as outward appearances. Yes, there are certain physical traits that will catch my eye more than others, but I don’t recall ever not being attracted to a woman just because she didn’t have all of them. So what are the things that can catch my eye for an immediate second glance?

• Shoulder-length red hair - yet I’ve married two blonds
• Glasses - I just have that girls with glasses fetish, I guess
• Clothing - yes, I am a sucker for distinct styles of dress
• Eyes - Bright, inquisitive eyes that show life

And that’s pretty much it. But as I said, they don’t really sway how attracted I am to someone. Getting to know that person a bit, it’s the personalities that draw me in and make me believe someone is totally desirable.

For those who wonder about what celebrity body types i like, since I’m unlikely to know many of them personally, my answer is this: I like everyone from Camryn Manheim to Alyson Hannigan to Diane Lane to Caroline Rhea…. So you tell me if there’s a trend there!

So… what are your breaking points?

What IS it about David Tennant which so beguiles everyone? The straight ladies love him, and both lesbians and straight men seem willing to temporarily jump teams for him and have his baby!
P.S. It’s a little too soon to tell, but this also seems to be happening to a lesser extent with John Barrowman.

Well, it’s like this… they’re HOT. I’m one of those guys who could easily enjoy a dalliance with one of them based upon their screen personas. But let’s make it clear: I wouldn’t have sex with them though I’d have no problems with kissing. In that sense, I doubt I or many men would ’switch teams’ for them. But it’s perfectly ok for men or lesbians to find other men attractive just as I believe straight women and gay men can find women attractive. I firmly believe that relationships have as much to do with non-sexual interaction as sexual.

I have no doubt that if I met the right person and their personality captivated me that male or female I would fall for them. In the case of David Tennant, he has a lot of attractive qualities: he’s funny, smart (even more so ‘in character’), handsome, has that great accent and is not overly buff, which I think would deter many men from finding him handsome. A lot of men think other buff men aren’t all that, but maybe that’s just jealousy. The point is: David isn’t threatening to men any more than he is to women. The same is actually true for John Barrowman.

Plus, and let’s be honest, crushes can be fun, even more so sometimes when you KNOW they can never work out, which is why we tend to talk about our celebrity crushes so readily, right?

So for the sake of openness, here are my top ten male crushes:

1. John Barrowman (IRL he’s even better than Captain Jack IMHO)
2. David Tennant - For all of the reasons said above
3. George Clooney - Because he’s George!
4. Hugh Laurie - Talented, funny, British….
5. David Boreanaz - Also funny and a hunk!
6. Will Smith - Seems very genuine unlike many of his contemporaries and is talented as hell!
7. Colin Ferrell - Need I even explain?
8. Josh Duhamel - developed my crush on his character ‘Danny” on Las Vegas.
9. Ryan Reynolds - what can I say? I like a sense of humor!
10. Milo Ventimiglias - He… just… rocks….

Bonus 11th person: Colin Firth… I can’t believe I forgot about HIM!!!!

So… who are your crushes of the same sex (or different sexual persuasion)?

Does it turn men on when women are interested in “men” things (ie., cars)?

This will be a short one tonight, as I really don’t have an answer for this. I. myself, could care less about most ‘men’ things such as cars, sports, weights, and so on. I would say it is a bit of a turn-on when the woman shares interests with you and so that could expand to those areas. It may also be a turn-on to break out of traditional gender-roles. Truthfully, I’m just not certain!

Anyone else care to comment on this one?

On a different note: BellaDonna, please email me and tell me who you are as I want to talk to you about co-authoring something! (advice @ mindlesspursuits.com)