Honest Answers From A Guy…

My husband claims that he fantasizes about ME and only me whenever he masturbates, which he does on the rare occasion that I am out of town. That seems like a lie to me. Is it even possible that he’s thinking of me? I don’t even care if he is thinking of a movie star or whatever! I guess I’d rather he not think about our hot babysitter, but other than that it’s fine with me if he’s thinking about other women just for masturbation purposes. He’s lying, right?

Well, right off - I’d never call anyone a liar without proof, and what they are thinking while masturbating is definitely something I can’t prove. That said, it’s certainly possible that he does only think about you.  You may be exactly what he needs to turn him on every time. Either way, why question it? Why do you seem to WANT him to be lying?

When I first read your question, I had a gut-level reaction to the use of the word ‘lie’. ‘Lie’ and ‘lying’ seemed accusatory. In fact, my reaction was that you seem to be reacting as though he couldn’t possibly be thinking of you and I’m hoping you have better self-esteem than that. I hope I’m reading it wrong.

Getting back on point though… yes, it’s possible that he only thinks about you. I think about my girlfriend the large majority of the time but occasionally my mind switches to some celebrity. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe in some eyes. Not mine. To me, it’s the equivalent of some couple’s role-playing. I don’t think my partner only masturbates thinking of me either.

Frankly, I think you should try to believe him. There’s no reason to think otherwise, is there? As long as he isn’t choosing masturbation over being with you when you are around, I wouldn’t worry about it too much!

More information about the positive effects of masturbation, as this topic is certain to draw the condemning folk out:

Effects of Masturbation

Better Health Channel on masturbation (sponsored by the Vicrotian Gov’t in Australia)

The University of California at Santa Barbara

Why do some men think it’s hot when 2 ladies kiss/seem attracted to each other sexually?I don’ get it.

Let me first set the stage by admitting that I AM one of those men you are referring to. As is Howard Stern and seemingly 80-90% of other straight men apparently by the amount of commentary found on it on the Internet. Yet I’ve never found an answer why that is. The majority of these men would also apparently not be turned on by the sight of two men kissing and instead would be repulsed. While not turned on by men kissing, I’m not repulsed by it either. As seemingly always, I don’t quite fit ‘the norm.’

While I could end my answer here and have it be just as complete as all of the others answers I’ve come across, I’m going to attempt to try and explain it for myself. I just don’t promise that it will make any sense. So here goes….

It’s my theory that this has to do with straight men having an unconscious thought that women are more tender and pleasurable to kiss than men are, because that’s how men feel when women kiss them. They also have the unconscious belief that women want in turn to experience the same tenderness and pleasure but that men are ‘rougher’ and therefore don’t provide it. So when straight men watch two women kiss, they expect that the women are getting considerably more pleasure from it than if it was a man and a woman. Add in that men are inherently visual creatures and the added visual throws it past the edge. Extend those same thoughts to other sexual acts and that would explain the attraction of watching lesbian sex for the straight male.

It may also be that men enjoy it because it’s a ‘taboo’ of sorts but one in which they don’t have to participate in and that may also go to why men tend to get repulsed by seeing two men kiss: that a man would kiss them hits closer to home for the ‘taboo’ than for two women and sometimes, something ‘different’ can be a turn on. Frankly, as long as it’s consensual and no one is underage, I believe couples can do as they please. Also, physical attractiveness almost certainly plays a part and seeing two women that the particular man finds attractive kiss is more likely to be ‘hot’ for them than two women they find unattractive, and since most men generally don’t want to think of other men as ‘physically desirable’, the dislike of seeing two men kiss.

In any case, these are not theories I have any proof for. They are just my thoughts based upon what I see, read and my own thoughts and feelings when seeing two women kiss. Have your own theories? Post them here!

To get the ball rolling, here’s one that I fielded on Etsy recently:

sadieville136 says:
OK, I’ve got one for you.

I met a guy, had great evening together. We’re meeting up again here shortly (this is a long distance thing).

Sex, or no sex on the next date? The first date involved some nice kissing.

If you want to have sex, have sex. You’ve met once. You’ve been talking for a while (from what I read). Here’s the simple truth: you can never be certain if the person you are going to meet is really going to be in it for the long-term or not. One, two, seven dates… when is your heart less involved? It isn’t, generally. Instead, it gets more involved and the longer you go, the greater chance of getting hurt and the hurt can grow because of the growing feeling. (more…)